Choosing a life partner is really a critical issue one shouldn’t overlook as many marriages today are suffering based on bad choices made
And when you choose a life partner, you’re choosing a lot of things, including your parenting partner and someone who will deeply influence your children, your eating companion for about 20,000 meals or more, your travel companion , your primary leisure time and retirement friend, your career therapist, and someone whose day you’ll hear thousand times in years.
So given that this is by far the most important thing in life to get right, how is it possible that so many good, smart, otherwise-logical people end up choosing a life partnership that leaves them dissatisfied and unhappy?
We will consider some factors that make people end up choosing a life partnership that leaves them miserable and dissatisfied:
1) Inability of knowing what one truly wants from a relationship
2) Societal influence
3) Biological Clock/Timing
4) Being over Romantically Obsessed
6) External influence
7) Shallow Mindedness Etc
Inability of knowing what one truly wants from a relationship:
This shouldn’t be a surprise—in life, you usually don’t get good at something until you’ve done it a bunch of times. Unfortunately, not many people have a chance to be in more than a few, if any, serious relationships before they make their big decision. There’s just not enough time. And given that a person’s partnership persona and relationship needs are often quite different from the way they are as a single person, it’s hard as a single person to really know what you want or need from a relationship.
Society rushes us today into marriages. In our world, the major rule is to get married before you’re too old—and “too old” varies from 25 – 35 or 30– 40 depending on where you live. The rule should be “whatever you do, don’t marry the wrong person,” but society frowns much more upon a 37-year-old single person than it does an unhappily married 37-year-old with two children. It makes no sense—the former is one step away from a happy marriage, while the latter must either settle for permanent unhappiness or endure a messy divorce just to catch up to where the single person is. So in the bid to meet up societal standards and expectations many end up with the wrong person.
Many women are so engrossed with getting married before reaching menopause and this sometimes clouds their sense of reasoning in choosing a life partner.
For a woman who wants to have biological children with her husband, she has one very real limitation in play, which is the need to pick the right life partner by forty, give or take. This has landed some ladies into marital torture. Marriage is greater than just giving birth to children. If it were me, I’d rather adopt children with the right life partner than have biological children with the wrong one.
So when you take a bunch of people who aren’t that good at knowing what they want in a relationship, surround them with a society that tells them they have to find a life partner but that they should under-think, under-explore, and hurry up, and combine that with biology that drugs us as we try to figure it out and promises to stop producing children before too long, what do you get?
A lot of people messing up the most important decision of their life.
4) Being over romantically Obsessed :
Romance can be a great part of a relationship, and love is a key ingredient in a happy marriage, but without a bunch of other important things, it’s simply not enough.
The overly romantic person repeatedly ignores the little voice that tries to speak up when he and his girlfriend/ fiance are fighting constantly or when he seems to feel much worse about himself these days than he used to before the relationship, shutting the voice down with thoughts like “Everything happens for a reason and the way we met couldn’t have just been coincidence” and “I’m totally in love with her, and that’s all that matters”.
once an overly romantic person believes he’s found his soul mate, he stops questioning things, and he’ll hang onto that belief all the way through his many years of unhappy marriage. Don’t allow too much emotions and mere feelings be a bed rock of your marital choice and decision, it could be very dangerous
Fear is one of the worst possible decision-makers when it comes to picking the right life partner. Unfortunately, the way society is set up, fear starts infecting all kinds of otherwise-rational people. The types of fear our society (and parents, and friends) inflict upon us—fear of being the last single friend, fear of being an older parent, sometimes just fear of being judged or talked about—are the types that lead us to settle for a bad partnership.
The irony is that the only rational fear we should feel is the fear of spending the latter two thirds of life unhappily, with the wrong person. At the end of the day, the same thing you have been afraid of catches up with you
choosing of a life partner is deeply personal, most times complicated, different for everyone, and almost impossible to understand from the outside, no matter how well you know someone. As such, other people’s opinions and preferences really have no place getting involved, other than an extreme case involving mistreatment or abuse.
The saddest example of this is someone breaking up with a person who would have been the right life partner because of external disapproval or a factor the chooser doesn’t actually care about (like religion) but feels compelled to stick to for the sake of family insistence or expectations.
It can also happen the opposite way, where everyone in someone’s life is thrilled with his relationship because it looks great from the outside, and even though it’s not actually that great from the inside, the person listens to others over his own gut and ties the knot.
And also accepting to marry someone out of pity. Women fall prey to this a lot. A man beats you up and later apologizes and buys gifts for you, and you decide to give him another chance
And the trend keeps on going for months in the relationship…and when you threaten to leave him, he kneels down begging and crying to change…saying if you leave me i will die
And you out of pity and belief that he will change, you decided to marry him…..nne your name is sorry
Few months or years into the marriage and you will become an exercise apparatus when ever he is angry
I repeat, no matter how sorry, sweet or remorseful he may always sound…NEVER MARRY A MAN OUT OF PITY OR DECISION TO CHANGE HIM……YOU ARE NOT HOLY SPIRIT
Now this a problem i see in most ladies. Looking at the physical and material attributes of a man instead of what is underneath .
Don’t make a mistake of using a man’s height, money, affluence, etc as a criteria of a life partner
Look beyond these things …his personality, accomplishments, ideas, ways of reasoning, character, visions , etc…..a man of great ideas and visions and energy towards achieving greatness will eventually make it mor in life . Go for one whose purpose in life agrees with yours,
Now the above factors have been proven to be parts of unfulfilled and failed marriages in our society today
Then the question is: How do i make a good choice of a life partner???
Marriage is a lifetime covenant…..your long time happiness or frustration depends on the decision you make today. So don’t be too much in a rush, calm down, take time and get to know and understand that man/woman you want to spend your life with
Start from the frienfship level. Believe me you will enjoy your marriage better when you marry your friend.
One critical question you should ask yourself is: Do i feel at home when am with this person? How comfortable am i always in his presence?? Am i usually myself or do i put up a character i know it’s not in me just to please him?? Does he know my weaknesses? Do i know his??
Remind yourself that this is a partnership institution and not a master – servant relationship.
Trust and Security: secrets are poison to relationship, because they form an invisible wall in the relationship. Your partner must be someone you can feel so free to tell him/her your secrets and personal life affairs and he/she helps in guiding you to the right part without judging you. How trustworthy is he, how secured do you feel expressing yourself to him without having to regret later?? How encouraging is he?? How does he advise you concerning life challenges…do you feel happy talking to him?? Does he have a listening ear?? Remember this is “life partner” the life and the partner in marriage should not be overlooked
Natural Chemistry: listen, interaction with your partner should be easy and natural. Communication should be on the same level ….it should have an easy flow…..you dont force it, you dont even becomes too conscious of it…it just has a way of naturally flowing between you two. Ask yourself…..Do i have a natural chemistry with this man i want to spend my remaining life with??
Acceptance of human flaws
You’re flawed. Like, really flawed. And so is your current or future life-partner. Being flawed is part of the definition of being a human. And one of the worst fates would be to spend most of your life being criticized for your flaws and reprimanded for continuing to have them. This isn’t to say people shouldn’t work on self-improvement, but when it comes to a life partnership, the healthy attitude is, “Every person comes with a set of flaws, these are my partner’s, and they’re part of the package I knowingly chose to spend my life with.”
Please also note that a good communication skill helps to strengthen every relationship. Don’t be someone who shuts his/her partner out. Talk to him/her…
When you are wronged say it but with humility and open mindedness….don’t die in silence why you are burning with anger. In fact people who don’t talk when angered yet carry offence in their hearts for long and seen to be deadly and dangerous,(even when it’s not always true)…so don’t allow your partner see you in that category
And you who is the offender, don’t always put up a defence mechanism, learn to apologize with love and end it with a hug or gift (a kiss for the legally married couples is bae☺)….This will make your partner feel loved and valued.
You mustn’t always be right! So learn to be humble and say “I am sorry” those three words are so powerful and could go a long way in preventing lots of things in relationships and marriages…
Don’t also forget to always use the powerful three words that melts the heart….”I love you”…..Believe me those words mean a lot coming from the right person. Ladies don’t joke with it😉😉
I think i will draw the curtain here…..😏😏😏
In searching for your life partner or assessing your current life partnership, it’s important to remember that every relationship is flawed and you probably won’t end up in something that gets an A in every one of the above items and bullet points—but you should hope to do pretty well on most of them, since each one plays a large part in your lifelong happiness.
Your Happiness is very important even to God. Any man that doesn’t Value you , bring out the best in you and involve you in his life affairs doesn’t fit into the shoes of a ‘life partner”….these should be d key points to your marital decision . Nothing should be used to exchange for your sanity and happiness.