Marriage can be a heaven or a nightmare depending on how you prepare for it. Men of God can prophecy, parents can force you, friends can suggest but final decision lies in your hand. It is not a decision you make  in one day. Rather, it’s a product of tests you have carried out.

Forget about he loves me or he is caring….the main question is COMPATIBILITY

21 ways of  conducting compatibility test compatibility test!

1. Friendship– Ability to freely talk about atleast 95% of issues without fear of unnecessarily being misunderstood or taken for  granted, so how comfortable honestly are you with each other?

2. Communication– Aside building a trustful friendship, how effective are your communications? Do you learn from your interactions and adjust willingly?  Also have you recognized each other’s best communication skills? Remember it isn’t just about what we say but How and When we say it.

3. Faith/Spirituality– Very essential because except the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain….the  enemy won’t stop trying to slide in to steal the joy so sharing the same spiritual belief and being able to put it into use can never be over emphasized.

4. Intimacy! How sexually compatible are you? Not necessarily about sexual attraction to each other but the willingness to explore, share and meet each other’s need without holding back!

5. Personal goals- If your partner’s goals threatens you in anyway then there’s an alarm of incompatibility which shouldn’t be ignored because it becomes selfish when you aren’t supportive or tries to talk them out of it later. It’s okay to compromise on the basis of agreement,  It’s better to share similar goals but if you aren’t that lucky then the question of how much sacrifices you are willing to make to help each other should be considered.

6. Finance/savings/investment. Everyone has different opinions about these but the  involvement of the other person as a team mate, never to be perceived as a rival nor take advantage of each other. Recognising and celebrating successes likewise a shoulder at tough times should be considered.

7. Conception– Children are indeed the fruit of marriage from God but the human efforts mustn’t be overlooked. Agreeing on how many kids you wish to have and why but still open to changes, Weighing options to explore and how far to go for each other if conception sadly doesn’t occur.

8. Extended families– Is he a mummy’s boy or girl? Loving and including our families is important but to what extent? Are you able/willing to implement boundaries impartially??

9. Trust/Faithfulness–  It’s easy and possible to love but don’t or can’t trust same person, history or attitude might have caused the doubt, now that might always raise doubts and might ignite non transparency from both party. So can adjustments be made or can you ignore for the sake of love??

10. Remorse/Forgiveness/Ego– Willingness to let go of issues that are detrimental to the relationship because you value and want it. How much are you/partner willing to step in and trash issues not minding who is at fault? It’s okay to identify and react the triggers but do you use it against each other later?? Taking responsibility when wrong and learning from mistakes rather than making excuses screams alot of maturity and Love!

11. Respect/Involvement/Acknowledgement-  No matter how in love people are they still and will always have their lives and personal interests. Are they able to respect these boundaries like hobbies and career choices? It’s okay for everyone to have a “ME TIME” though becomes selfish and disrespectful when your partner is continually being ignored so be conscious about Me times and striking a balance…..

12. Sense of humour– Its super cool and amazing when you are able to keep each other entertained in different ways but also alot of “Expensive jokes” might arise at some point. Fantastic if you share same sense of humour but do you understand your partner’s or willing to when its different? So that every joke doesn’t come across as belittling/ disrespectful.

13. Ability to take initiative– We hear alot of the term “common sense “. But is it really common? We all have our intellectual capacities and learn at different pace, no doubt. To avoid being sexist,  majority of women/men emphasize on wanting an “intelligent spouse”, now some people sincerely dont mind taking the lead and making decisions in a relationship which is often the superior or the one deemed to be or more “brilliant”, the partner on the other hand on most occasion feels “Okay” with whatever decisions made But it gets draining at some point when it remains one-sided and dependent on one person. It’s okay to make suggestions which might not always be useful but make efforts, do as much as you can, step out of your comfort zone to bring something to…

14. Ability to keep secrets– Always conscious of the word Team! Just Us, Our way, Our life. Are we able to share as well as keep issues no Matter how trivial within ourselves?? Might be detrimental but it’s what a team honestly does for growth and loyalty. On horrific circumstances this can be compromised. Are our plans, stories (good and bad) safe within us?

15. Addictions– Good or bad, People only change by Gods grace  and when they decide to,  could  change for the sake of compromise which is cool. But we should be conscious of visible addictions that can’t be condoned personally yet ignored with the hope to change the person.  You aren’t God love,  Choose your battles wisely!

 16. Social life– Is you or your partner a social butterfly? It isn’t very pocket friendly mind you! Do you mind? Can adjustments or adaptations be made? Are you comfortable being or not being in the limelight like your partner? Would it be an issue over time?

17.Discipline– Could be financial, social or otherwise. Are you both able to condone/ignore each others level of discipline? Are they teachable/flexible or striving to adjust for good?

18. Companions/friends– The kind of company we keep reveals who we are and what attracts us. Would you be comfortable having his friends as your friends? Do you find peace when you stay with them for hours?

Even when he/she claims not to have friends, study who they speak or chat with most times. Understand why they are close to that family member or pastor and decide to you can fit it these circle…

19. Hygiene level- If physical appearances isn’t important  to him/her or where he lives, then it’s a sign that he is careless about important things. If he doesn’t admire neatness then you need to think twice about your own health.

20. Attitude towards giving and assisting people– If he doesn’t care about his siblings, then something is wrong. If he is not kind to people he doesn’t love, then you should be careful. If he brags when he helps, then you are not safe. If he is secretive about money, then that could be a big threat to financial security and transparency.

In conclusion, 2 adults in love and willing to make a life time journey together should remember that differences would always arise but value for each other and the relationship would keep pushing them to adjust, compromise, be patient, willing to teach and learn. I understand our choices varies as individuals so please feel free to prioritize and adjust these lists according to personal interests/choices.

Lectured by Mimi Ifeanyichukwu

She is a mental health practitioner, supporting people with mental illnesses of different kind to maintain,  regain and retain a healthy and safe lifestyle. She work with adults too but more passionate  about children born and living with mental struggles. She lives in the UK and works at University hospital of Bristol

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